Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Yesterday after work, I stopped by the shopping complex in my estate, to pick up some stuff.
Now, I am not usually a stupid person, but yesterday, I did the exact opposite of what I'd normally do. I redeemed myself in the end sha. Ok, here goes:
I come out of a cab, I'm walking into the complex, when all of a sudden, someone says:
Him: Excuse me
[I turn, cuz the voice sounds familiar]
Me: Yeah?
[At this point, I can see his face, and he looks old, like my uncle's age mate, so from the way he called, I assume he's my uncle's friend]
Him: I'm Larry....Lawrence
[At this point, alarm bells go off in my head, but he has already taken my hand, and like a zombie, i stand, transfixed, staring at him. Note that he luks very ugly, facially and body-wise]
Me: Ok, and??
Larry: I work in ......[1 big place in government sha], are you a corper?
Me: [I shake my head, suddenly mute]
Larry: So where do you work?
Me: .......[1 construction company sha]
Larry: Ok, let me get ur number [gives me his phone, which i must add, looks way less sophisticated than mine-and he's supposed to be a 'big man'.infact, the phone is the 3310 of today]...are you coming out soon?
Me: [already typing 080]no
Larry: Ok, still give me ur number, I'll wait for u in my car, so we can talk
[At this point, I start coming out of my trance, slowly, but surely]
Me: No, don't wait for me [giving him back the phone without my number], i dont give my number to strangers.
Larry: Abeg jo, shey you've already collected the phone, just put ur number
Me: No....I'll drop this phone on the floor if u dont collect it
Larry: You're going to lose me oh
Me: And so? who d hell do u thnk u are?
Larry: You'll lose my d**k
[ I'm beginnin to think he's drunk, so i try to see if i can perceive alcohol on his breath, and....i cant]
Me: Are you out of your mind?
Larry [like a lunatic]: You're going to lose my d**k
[Now, that's enough to bring me out of my trance, and this has me wishing i understood my language well enough to rain abuses and curses on d bastard]
Me: [I give him a very hot slap....yeah, i know its hot, cuz I have a reputation for having painful hands, I throw his phone far away, hoping it falls into the gutter, and I walk away] U must be very stupid.
I walk into the complex, guys & chics alike are hailing me, I'm too shocked at the fact that there are human beings like Larry on earth, who can misyarn terribly without being drunk.
Turns out the place I wanted to pick my stuff from is closed. Damn!!
Plus, it starts drizzling, but as I go home, I feel like the rain is washing off all the smelly nonsense from that bastard. And I feel very happy that i slapped him, cuz I'd have been very ashamed of myself if I didnt.
See y'all soon.
......Storm

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